People Who Drive You CRAZY!!

(This post will be particularly meaningful for married couples!)

"What you heard is not what I said!"

Communication is such a tricky thing, especially between men and women. It is even more difficult when one person hears (not listens; there is a difference!) something through the filter of his/her assumptions and hears incorrectly.

Issue #1: Hanging out vs. Connecting

For the menfolk out there, read this carefully: hanging out with the guys is connecting with the guys, but it is NOT connecting for women. Women may enjoy spending the time with you, but to get to know you requires that you open your mouth to talk about things -- your opinions on events/happenings, what is going on in your/her life, what this week's schedule looks like (so that she can plan accordingly, not to control you!), work through some issue that is coming between the two of you, etc. Talking about what happened at work today and what you had for lunch or watching a movie together (and not discussing it later) is not connecting at the deep level that women desire, and for some, absolutely require. If you truly value your mate, do not neglect this because you will alienate her.

For the women: your man is happy just to spend some time with you without talking, and sometimes, you just have to give them that and be positive about it.

Issue #2: We need to talk

For the men: it is not the dreaded talk about what you did wrong (though too often it is). Sometimes, when your wife wants to talk, that is all she really wants to do -- connect with you, find out what is going on in your head, get to know you. Good grief! Talking is not the start of World War 300!

For the women: watch how many times you talk and it is about what your man did wrong -- drastically reduce that number, okay?

Issue #3: What are you doing? Where are you?
What does your schedule look like this week?

For the men: She is not trying to control you! She does not want to know where you are to keep tabs on you. She just wants to know that you are okay (not hurt and lying abandoned in a ditch in nowhere) and maybe she just wants to hear your voice. Letting her know your schedule this week helps her plan hers accordingly so that she can set aside time for you! She is sorry that you have to work 6 1/2 days this week, and she will give you some time alone, but she needs some time with you too! If you want to continue being selfish and spend all that time by yourself all the time, you may very well end up being by yourself long-term. She might accept an hour or two if that is all you can give her that week.

For the women: It helps to tell him first that it is "just for planning purposes" or "just worried about you when you did not call when you said you would" before going into the 3 questions above. And if your man does work 6 1/2 days that week, it is perfectly okay to give him a couple of hours to himself.

Issue #4: GROW UP!

For the men: That is honestly what your wife thinks many times when the two of you argue. Often it is true AND sometimes it is not. When it is true, man up and mature some. When it is not, remember that she is in need of God's grace and mercy, just like you.

For the women: I know this goes through your mind and often it is true. Remember that you are his wife and not his mother, so do not lecture him like a 5-year old. You may still think it, but do not show it. Show respect for your man and remember that he is in need of God's grace and mercy, just like you.