Recently, I took one of those quizzes on Facebook. Something about "What career should you be in?" Unsurprisingly, my result was Adventurous Explorer: Athlete, Journalist, Detective.
It made me think about all that has led me to this point and where I'm headed. I was an athlete (a LONG time ago), I love investigating things and reaching conclusions and telling the truth. I love exploring, learning and experiencing new things. I want to travel and live in different places. I am not one for ruts! So how am I in a job crunching numbers and do I want to stay there?
Despite the high stress and some nepotism, I actually like the job and where I am. I think it is the first job I have had my entire working life that I finally feel like I belong in it. The first year required a lot of additional forensic work to unravel my 2 predecessors' messes, and I still do a lot of investigating in my daily work. It pays better than similar positions in the general market. The down side is that the stress carries over into my personal life. I am totally drained at the end of each workday and more so by the time Friday night rolls around. I am hesitant to take a day off because it will take me working extra hard the next 4 days to catch up. I think I have made myself irreplaceable. (I know, it is weird that I am sad about that! )
So the question is how do I retain my sense of life, of adventure? Normally, I would withdraw by going camping somewhere where human sounds do not reach, but I was unable to take 3 weeks off from work to do so. (We are saving the vacation time and money to do a major trip later in the year.) While I do not necessarily recommend doing what I have done, I think it has been necessary for me, particularly quite an introvert like me. I withdrew from life, from people I would normally interact with outside of work and home, even from church. It has been a little painful, and I suspect more so for my friends than me. Yet it is has still has taken a couple of months to get to a place where I can consider reintegrating with SOME friends. Maybe 1 family at this time....
Part of me is ready. A good part of me is not. I sense that God is.pushing me out of my cave, whether I am ready or not. Do I fear another burnout? Of course I do. With so much riding on my shoulders, I absolutely cannot go down. Yet, it might be time to at least open a window and look at the outside.
Here goes nothing. The first step towards regain life and my love of adventure.
