Sunday, March 15, 2015

Adventurous Explorer

Recently, I took one of those quizzes on Facebook.   Something about "What career should you be in?"  Unsurprisingly, my result was Adventurous Explorer: Athlete, Journalist, Detective.

It made me think about all that has led me to this point and where I'm headed.  I was an athlete (a LONG time ago), I love investigating things and reaching conclusions and telling the truth.  I love exploring, learning and experiencing new things.  I want to travel and live in different places.  I am not one for ruts!  So how am I in a job crunching numbers and do I want to stay there?

Despite the high stress and some nepotism, I actually like the job and where I am.  I think it is the first job I have had my entire working life that I finally feel like I belong in it.  The first year required a lot of additional forensic work to unravel my 2 predecessors' messes, and I still do a lot of investigating in my daily work.  It pays better than similar positions in the general market.  The down side is that the stress carries over into my personal life.  I am totally drained at the end of each workday and more so by the time Friday night rolls around.  I am hesitant to take a day off because it will take me working extra hard the next 4 days to catch up.  I think I have made myself irreplaceable.  (I know, it is weird that I am sad about that! )

So the question is how do I retain my sense of life, of adventure?   Normally, I would withdraw by going camping somewhere where human sounds do not reach, but I was unable to take 3 weeks off from work to do so.  (We are saving the vacation time and money to do a major trip later in the year.)  While I do not necessarily recommend doing what I have done, I think it has been necessary for me, particularly quite an introvert like me.  I withdrew from life, from people I would normally interact with outside of work and home, even from church.  It has been a little painful, and I suspect more so for my friends than me.  Yet it is has still has taken a couple of months to get to a place where I can consider reintegrating with SOME friends.  Maybe 1 family at this time....

Part of me is ready.  A good part of me is not.  I sense that God is.pushing me out of my cave, whether I am ready or not.  Do I fear another burnout?  Of course I do.  With so much riding on my shoulders, I absolutely cannot go down.  Yet, it might be time to at least open a window and look at the outside.

Here goes nothing.  The first step towards regain life and my love of adventure.


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