My Journey Into Self

In the last couple of months, I have been trying to do some self-examination.  A lot of things I thought I knew (about myself) suddenly did not appear so certain after all.  I was unsure of my strengths and even of my personality, which contributed to whether I was doing what I should be doing.  I began to wonder what job I really was most suited for, and though a friend recommended a book to help me figure it out, I still have not checked it out of the library...  I wondered if I should give up one of my businesses and settle for a steady paycheque from some company (and allowing myself to be owned again).

Recently, I have decided that what I have chosen for a job to pay the bills is what I should be doing, and what I have chosen for a future for my family is also what I should be doing.  In short, what I was doing before is what I should be doing in the future.  I am just not quite to the point where I can make a full return yet, though I am approaching it in the near future.

So through this process, God has been teaching me about security and dependence.  

My first mistake was losing sight of Jesus.  I felt that I had to work longer and harder to make the money we needed to pay our bills.  That came at the cost of my dedicated time with Jesus.  The price was even costlier -- I distanced myself from the best friend I could ever have without even knowing it.  I was depending less and less on Him, and more and more on myself.  It is a little like trading a Porsche GT for a Ford Pinto.  (You get the picture...)

My second mistake was when I became so caught up in "I have to make this work so that I can pay the bills", I lost sight of the one true source of security -- Jesus.  The only one who truly provides is Him, not I.  It has never been "I make it work and provide for the family" but rather "I work the job that God gave me, and He provides for the family."  My security should never have been dependent on me, but on Jesus.

So going forward, I have to make sure that I keep my focus on the right things.  I need to do what I can do to keep my focus on Jesus and trust Him to provide for the bills... exactly like He has been doing in the last couple of months without my help.  I need to remember that it is not all up to me and it is not all about me.  If prioritising my relationship with Him means giving Him the first hours of my day and my work day not starting till noon, then it means that my work day is not starting till noon.  I have that flexibility and I ought to exercise it.

Rewriting History

When I first viewed the following video, I was shocked, to say the least.  Believe me, I understand that history books are skewed.  Things are written in a way to favour the opinion of the author.  I also know that many events have been deliberately omitted in current American history books, such as the one about George Washington having 4 bullet holes in his jacket from a battle and surviving unhurt.

But to go as far as what was suggested in the following video is too much.  The only reason some concessions were made in one of the textbooks was because of widespread opposition.  I understand the desire of people to have history books report favourably on their faith, but to whitewash it is complete falsehood.

I am not against the founding of a Muslim college (not completely different from a Christian college), yet  in light of this video, I do wonder: what will they teach within the walls about Islam and history, and how to write future history?

Addendum: I do realise that my posts can be viewed as somewhat inflammatory.  I wish to state that I have absolutely no intention to incite or stir up anger, or be an offensive pig (for lack of better words).  I post as the thoughts come to mind and sometimes, the filter between my mind and fingers needs a little cleaning.  I try my best to edit my posts as I type them, and unfortunately when my mind is not thinking too clearly or coherently, the posts do not come across as intended.  That being said, I apologise for any posts I make which offend or sound offensive.  I am not a racial or religious fanatical, just another screwed-up human being functioning solely by the grace of God.

I Don't Know Why...

I was just so tickled by this that I actually watched it again... and laughed out loud like an idiot again...

The Attraction of Trader Joe's

It has been a while since my last post, so I figured while I am working on tons of paperwork today, I will take breaks and do some posting throughout the day.

First up is this article on Trader Joe's.  I have always preferred them to Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheque). -- the latter had always seemed to me more gourmet-ish and somewhat snooty, so I have always preferred Trader Joe's although I do not actually shop there.

Here is something that many people do not know about Trader Joe's products: much of the Trader Joe's brands are manufactured by the same companies offering products in your regular grocery store shelves.

Those Trader Joe's pita chips? Made by Stacy's, a division of PepsiCo's Frito-Lay. On the East Coast much of its yogurt is supplied by Danone's Stonyfield Farm. And finicky foodies probably don't like to think about how Trader Joe's scale enables the chain to sell a pound of organic lemons for $2.

So what is the true draw of shopping at Trader Joe's?  That, my friends, is up for discussion.  Post your comments!

Suffering

"I have learned to grip loosely the things of this world for it hurts badly when God pries them from my fingers."

~Corrie ten Boom

This year has been a difficult year for me.  I have never perceived myself as a strong person, and I am learning that I still need to develop into a person of strength.  I feel like I have been stripped of so much and I am now raw and extremely vulnerable.  And here is where God is doing things with me.

For the first time in my life, Job's words hit a chord in my heart.  I have never identified so much with him as I have this year.  The darkness, the suffering, bearing injustice, the alienation, the attacks from every direction, and so on.  Even as I write these words, the emotion of all the pain is welling up in my heart and my eyes.

"Faith is not a magical shield out of suffering."

~Todd Pruitt

Some may ask, "Where is God in all your suffering?" and others may ask, "If God is so good, why does He allow this to happen?".  First of all, God is never our divine genie to give us what we want all the time, nor has He ever promised us a life of ease and riches on earth.

Secondly, and more importantly, I have learned that I may never have the answers on this side of eternity, and I am alright with that.  God has always had His plan, and His purposes will be carried out.  I can trust in His goodness and mercy, even as I stand in awe of His holiness and power.  If there is something within me that is not good for me, like any good parent, He will remove it from me through whatever lesson necessary.  The more stubborn and rebellious I am, the more it will hurt; but the job will get done.

I am still learning to apply the words of Corrie ten Boom.  I am loosening my grip on some things in my life, but I still have a pretty strong grip on things overall.  It does hurt badly when those things are not good and God pries them out of my life.  On days like today, even though I know He is refining my faith, weeding out the bad attitudes and sinful nature from my heart, I fear.  I fear because of these words in a sermon last month, "Sometimes, faith will be the very thing that threatens my physical well-being."

I am grateful to Jesus for without Him, there is no hope or future.  Without Him, there is no strength.  Without Him, there is only condemnation.  I pray with all my heart that I will have a faith that endures for all eternity.

Temptation is for destruction.

Testing is for perfection.